Posts tagged Thoughts/Ramblings

So… I’ve realized that I’m not doing nearly as much with all this blogging/website stuff as I could. I enjoy it, I really do. Maybe it’s just the knowledge that, given the thousands of blogs on the internet today, who’s reading mine? Anyone, no one, just my mom? (well, that’s not true, I don’t even think my mom knows how to get here…). Anyway, it would be nice if someone out there would let me know that their reading (and perhaps enjoying…?) something on the blog/site. I know I’m sounding pathetic by asking this question, but what’s the point of writing for a silent audience.

Anyway, enough with the useless shit! Yes, that is it for my whiny ramblings… not onto the non-whiny ramblings and thoughts!

I start school in two days, and now that I’m finally this close,

and certain that I’m returning, I don’t feel like I thought I would. When I first started college back in 2005 (before my “little hiatus”), I was excited beyond belief to be crossing the threshold of useless education (grade school) and entering the realm of higher education. Those first two years held up to all my expectations. This time around… I don’t know. I seem to be lacking the expectations of my last foray into college, and I’m not sure why. It could be that, even after three years of searching, I still have yet to find the career path that could truly fill my life without causing the excruciating tedium and boredom of work. Yeah, I think I’ll go with that reason…

Well, I have come to realize that there is one fundamental difference: I’ve changed since the last time I entered the hallowed halls of higher education. I’ve moved out of my parent’s house, worked a real job (god did that suck), and been fucked by the government. I mean, what else is there? There are also a couple walls that will most likely separate me from my peers: I’m going to be balancing a job with a long commute with school, I’m going to be commuting to the college itself, and I’m a good two to three years older than most of my peers will be… Oh well, it will be what it will be…

Speaking of work, I’m now working solely for Executive Protective Services as a Security Agent. It’s good: easy work, good pay, and soon I’ll get to carry a gun. I say soon because I haven’t gone through the Act 235 course (lethal weapon training) yet. I’m starting that next weekend, and I’m looking forward to it. Hell, two weekends with nothing but guns, sounds like fun to me. In about a month or two I’m going to be working (hopefully) for the Jewish History Museum in Philadelphia. Should be a nice gig, especially wince I’ll be able to work on school stuff while I’m there. Still no idea what hours I’ll be working, or what pay rate I’ll be getting, but hey, it’s nice to know that there’s work around the bend.
That covers all the stuff that, well, matters. Onto the fun stuff!

Let’s see, for fun I’ve been playing a lot of Call of Duty (shooting digital things), going to a shooting range and firing off a box or two of ammo with my new S&W40VE (shooting actual bullets, hehe), and in the rest of my time I’ve been relaxing with my pipe, a beer, and a book. It’s been wonderful having so much time to just relax, but I know it won’t last too much longer. Soon I will be going crazy with the amount of schoolwork and actual work that I’m going to be doing, but at least I know it’s all leading somewhere.

Where’s it all leading? Hopefully somewhere around San Fransisco. That’s right, this Texas born, PA raised kid is moving to California as soon as possible (assuming I can find a good job there). Why, you ask? Because the weather there is gorgeous year-round, and the weather here sucks a donkey’s right nut three-quarters of the year. Yeah, I’m looking at you summer heat, and you winter snows. Mid spring and fall I’ll let off the hook, they’re all right. But I digress. California. If all goes perfectly (which, I’ve found, it never does), I’ll get a job with Google (holy shit that would rock!) or Microsoft (still good, but not as mind-bogglingly awesome as Google).

Well, enough of my useless ramblings and updates for the evening. If anyone has any ideas for topics that they think would be interesting for me to tackle, let me know and I’ll work it in. Even if it’s just a single topic that you want my opinion on, or a random diatribe that you would want to read, let me know in the comments section (I guess you could e-mail them to me as well – michael@twilightreverie.com – but comments are more fun).

Thanks for reading, and thanks for visiting the Twilight Reverie!

I’m sure that some poet at some point in the history of the world has drawn this connection before, but I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind:
SNOW and LOVE.

…Snow…

It snowed last night, a real nice storm that turned the roads into a slide and turned the world white. Today I watched as, hour by hour, the white shrank away to reveal a dull brown everywhere. Even though the snow made my travels last night more trecherous than they usual are, I still felt a pang of sadness to see it disappear so quickly. Trees that usually seemed dead suddenly glistened and sparkled after the snow, as if a hand reached down from the sky and covered their branches in jewels. The dirty and cracked sidewalks and streets became a majestic river of beauty for a brief time. Fields of dead grass became rolling oceans of a crystaline heaven. It was spectacular, as it always is.

At the same time as the world was being transformed into this breathtaking landscape, it also became harsh and unforgiving. You had to walk carefully, for every step could send your feet from under you. You had drive even more carefully for fear that the tires would slip and you would roll helplessly into a tree or another car. Nothing was as it seemed. What looked like solid ground was actually a bank of snow, and what looked like water was really ice waiting to teach you to fly before gravity proves you can’t. Everywhere was deception and a chance for pain.

But now it’s gone. It will return in time, but in it’s place there is nothing. Where there were once drifting banks of snow there is now nothing but an empty peice of the sidewalk. Where once there were bejeweled limbs there is simply bare brown branches. Where there was beauty there is now emptiness……

…Love…

*See Snow

Snow and love…both a whirlwind of feelings and happenings, both immensly powerful, both immeasurably brief and fleeting…